2:50 PM Edit This 6 Comments »
No phone, no Internet. Stuck in a bare apartment with only beds and a kitchen table. So if you still read this I will read/post when I can.

This is it.

10:17 AM Edit This 1 Comment »
Today starts a different road to recovery. Charlie's called for a bed and now we play the waiting game- for anywhere up to a few days.

Detox is six days. Sucks. I hate sleeping alone, but I know this is the right way to do things. I know DCF has my kids best interest in mind and want us to be able to go on living as a family. They really aren't asking much.

DCF told Charlie he needs to complete the "program" which is definitely worded wrong. Detox is not a program, heh. And then he just needs to pass random urines that we will pay for. It could be much, much worse.

Hopefully, this is the beginning of the end of a really, really bad road and we will finally be able to have our lives back.

The waiting game.

8:42 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
A man named John came from DCF to assess my 'case' on Wednesday. I wish he was able to be our worker. He was just the most understanding and sweetest man and didn't judge me at all. He understood the disease and my insane, asshat mistake.

He asked me questions about what happened the night I was brought to the hospital, DOBs, numbers of friends and family, Talked to Kelsee, explained to me what it is that is going on, and just shot the shit with me for a bit.

Charlie was supposed to have a 'phone interview' with him last Thursday, but he never called. Charlie called him on Friday and left a message, but nothing. And he still hasn't gone to speak with Baylie or Bri-Elle. So not really sure what's going on there.

Within 15 days, my case will have been fully assessed and passed on to a permenant worker who will then lay out a service plan for my family. Most likely, Charlie will have to complete some sort of program, which could range from just NA to an actual live in facility. I will pass on elaborating much further on that.

Currently, I am sick with a bad head cold that is progressing into my chest and Charlie is now sick. We will take it one day at a time and I will do my best (again0 to help him through it. We need him to get through it, not just because of me or him, but my girls future depends on it...our family depends on it.

Who's buisiness?

11:27 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Well, obviously I'm making it yours.

A few weeks ago when I kicked Charlie out, I "accidentally ODed," which is the truth. I took too many of my meds and wound up at the hospital. I was n o t trying to kill myself. I would never be that selfish. I was stressed out and the medicine I took causes you to forget things and I lost track of how many I'd taken. I was foolish...obviously. I have no good/real excuse, Jessica = ass.

The hospital (I'm assuming) filed a 51-A (neglect) on me, and today, of all days, a worker is coming to my house to talk. I'm nervous, and quite frankly, have good reason to be. Not because I'm a bad Mom, but because my husband is an addict. He may not be an active user, (ATM) but I'm sure this will be cause for us to be stuck in the 'system' for some time to come.

In all reality, DSS could be a good thing for my family. It could help us get more of the help that we need right now. Things have gotten so out of control with our daily routines. My kids should be seeing someone, like a therapist. I should be getting much more medical attention than I am. Things on the job front are looking more and more glum with each passing day. And other doors could possibly be opened for me/us through the system. They have the power to do so much more.

so...Happy Birthday to me. Heh.

Things I can not change.

7:59 AM Edit This 1 Comment »
My husband is gone.

I kicked him out Wednesday after he came back from the gym high. He stole OUR check and left a meeting early to do so.

I've finally accepted the fact I can't help him, I can't get him better, I can't do him. He called me on Friday and asked to come home. I stuck to my guns and refused, I haven't heard from him since. I also told him that he isn't going to be seeing the girls until he's gotten help, if that takes months, so be it. My kids are not going to be subjected to this anymore. They've lived through much more than they should have.

Am I worried? Absolutely.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do for a life plan right now, but I'm only focusing on me and my girls. This time I'm going to get through my days, survive, live, and be happy. I need to be able to live without him...and I will.

I'm going there.

8:20 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Because I need to vent SOMEwhere and I'msure my friends are just tired of hearing my addiction drama.

Sunday marks Charlie's 30 days.

But yesterday he stole $100 from me, copped a bundle and bought a needle. He came home and happened to be packing his bags. Fortunately, he happened to have thrown out the drugs before using.

His bags are unpacked. He's home and in better spirits.

Such as life. This will never get any easier I guess.


11:11 AM Edit This 0 Comments »